carnac the magnificent curses

Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. A: The four musketeers. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. ED: Certainly worth waiting for eyes? , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? We are now officially the living who envy the dead! A: "Here's Boomer." A: Double trouble. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. "Oh, And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Get Image Page 2 of 4 As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. by BMcCJ. Carnac the Magnificent. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? #10. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? this year? "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. A: Ultra-conservative. drip. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? A: Last Tango in Paris. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? 1952? Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? No more years! Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. A: Never on Sunday. Q: Where should you address all your mail? A: "The Dumplings." CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. A: Skalliwags. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his Images tagged "johnny carson". A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. . A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. up your turban. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? by ThomasFay. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Hoffa. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Line: 478 CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your says? , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. A: England, France and Greece. parents. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted A: Pussy Willow. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Youre the straight man. A: Unleash. A: Blazing Saddles. dee? A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Paul? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Is that about right, sir? . Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? Q: Name a Kristofferson. A: 60 Minutes. Function: require_once. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Previous. In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. [1] More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. resuscitation with a sick lizard. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. juice? Curses, Curses, Curses . the Denver Nuggets. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. . Johnny would don an . Get Image Page 1 of 4 So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. Line: 315 Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. bathroom? CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Line: 192 The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. Only this curse was not humorous at all. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? plunger. puppies and red-eye gravy. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. Carnac The Magnificent undated. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. A: Bedbug. A: Shareholder. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? envelopes. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? The Question: Name six fictional T.V. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" A: Old wive's tale. the audience will cheer. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. . A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Box 4, Folder 45. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. cleanup team? Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php A: Fort Knox. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. 99 $28.11 $28.11. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Contents A: The Laughing Policeman. Carson Caucas 1984. A: Gatorade. A: Mr. Coffee. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: 2001. Screenkey. The character was introduced in 1964. ANSWER: Gatorade. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. . contest. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? Our Story; Our Chefs Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? (Jews never kneel in prayer.). May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. It is original material for the most part. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. The character was introduced in 1964. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: Who ruined that darn rug? , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Feel free to laugh, but beware! RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! kaleido? these envelopes, CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? A: Bi-focal. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. A: An unmarried woman. A: "Coming home." 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. . Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: Kaleidoscope. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Box 4, Folder 46. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. The character was introduced in 1964. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. A: That darn cat. Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. A: Lorne Green. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Q: Name three people who like to bomb. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. sister. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. A: Planter's Punch. lizard. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. Can't decide? Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. A: Green thumb. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. A: The CIA. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. A little hard to keep on. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . A: Eleven. shorts. The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. toilet is stopped up? A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. . After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? Box 4, Folder 48. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. A: Chariots of the Gods. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. A: "Gung Ho!" I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. A: The ZIP Code. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: "Leave it to Beaver." Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? A: Rough cut. (the curse). Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. . -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. As a child of four can The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. A: The Loch Ness Monster. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Commissary. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! A: Kumquat. A: A thousand clowns. Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Supervisor. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. violence? A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Line: 24 Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? Q: What happens when your lorne rots? Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement.

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